I boarded an EasyJet plane with a full suitcase and a full heart as well as a full mind; from Krakow, Poland to Belfast, Northern Ireland. My booking was one way; no return flight, no return date. Did I realize this as I found my window seat and waited patiently to take off? Not at all. To be honest I don't think I fully realize it now, either. Now is 4 months later and I am writing this post in my new house in Belfast. Things change and life goes on, thankfully God is still and never changes. Let me tell you more about my journey with Him so far, and how His character has been keeping me strong even when I feel so weak.
April 19 - July 17
These three months were full in every way I can think of. I lived with my Bowman family and helped around the house, enjoyed being part of the youth ministry in Saintfield for a bit again and helped finish off strong for summer, taught a little bit of Czech at our mission trip team meetings, and was part of our fundraisers. This all kept us busy up until the day we left for Prague. A week before we took off, Selah Grace Bowman was born into this world :)
There were days in these months where I missed home, but they were not frequent and busyness didn't let me dwell on it too much. Although, I noticed I was growing a little numb (the best way to describe it after a long time of thinking when I journalled about it earlier) towards everything. Maybe it's because the days were so full and life was so busy. I was sure God was with me every day, I knew his presence was real, but I knew I could be closer to Him. Still He loved me and carried me through my days & weeks. Faithful as He always is. Real as only He can be. Gentle as ever.
July 17 - August 1
Czech. Prague. Orlicke hory. English Camp. Follow Up. People. Camp songs. Games. Breaking my comfort zones. Challenge. Translation. Collision of languages. Cultures. Driving on the right. The language. The humor. Tears of laughter. Kuba. My country.
Yes people make fun of me for being from Russia, but I actually am from the Czech Republic. When we landed in Prague on the late Tuesday afternoon, took a bus to Krystal, checked in and went for a walk around Prague I must say I knew I was home. I never realized how much energy it requires of me to walk in NI where people drive on the other side of the road. It's not that it's wrong or it bothers me, not at all. But it is different and believe me or not, I am still getting used to it (I prefer looking both directions before crossing in NI, because I just can never remember where to look first.) But that night in Prague, I did not have to think twice and things just came so naturally to me. I felt so light, I felt so good.
So after this little experience with being back after three months you can guess the next week or so was quite difficult on me. I just wanted to stay. I was thankful though that I experienced what I did on the first night, because I still had two weeks ahead of me to pray about it and to let God change my attitude in it. As the end of our time in Czech came closer and closer, I felt better. I knew I was only seeing things grey in Ireland and bright in Czech because that's how I wanted to see it, not because it was necessarily true. I was still confused and emotional about leaving, but my attitude was changed and I was able to believe in my heart that God knew what He was doing even if I had no idea. Yet again He worked mightily in my mind and in my whole being, so silently and ever gently, I didn't even recognize it until it was all ready to be revealed to me and I knew He had me, I knew He had my heart.
At the JV debrief in Prague after camp, as we sang the song "You Never Let Go," I wrote in my journal these words: If You never let go in every high and every low, through the calm and through the storm, why would You let me go in Czech or Ireland? It doesn't matter where I am, because You NEVER let go!"
What a great truth to realize two days before heading back to Saintfield.
August 1 - present.
It's August 16 today.We have been back for a while. Our first week home we had Route 316 in the evenings, which was like a mini camp for children. At the end of that week we had two youth events and all of these things helped me to realize I am back, and I am back for a while. This is my home now. Maybe it will never feel like a home home, but this is where I belong for this particular time in my life. Not forever, but for today. God has been faithful and so very good to me. The weather has been amazing, my mind is very positive, I am excited for what the near future holds.
"I don't know what tomorrow holds but I know the One who holds tomorrow."
Maybe this is a different culture. Maybe their humor is different. Maybe they grew up watching different movies. Maybe sometimes I don't understand what they are talking about. Maybe they don't understand me. Maybe I don't even try to explain. Maybe this whole change is changing me. Maybe I am changing. Maybe it is shaping me into somebody new. Maybe I don't understand and am not understood at times.
But I know God is with me. He carries my heart and holds my hand. He sets the path for me to go and I walk close to Him, knowing his love, gentleness, kindness and understanding in all I do. Step by step as I take it walking into the center of this city. Moment by moment as I try to figure out the next move. Box by box as I unpack and move into my new house. Thought by thought as I try to deal with what I see, hear and feel. Move by move as I try to see who I was, who I am, and who I am changing into.
It's an adventure. It's a book, and I started a new chapter. Will you walk in prayer with me, anticipating the next thing He brings me to? I will share along the way.
Stay strong.
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