italian people and grace.

There is a guy at work who is originally from Italy. He is an older, tall, skinny man. His English is either not very good, or he is too shy to speak it. For the lack of verbal communication he makes up by being kind and always ready to help. He works in the kitchen so I never really talked to him that much, but last week God used him in such a powerful way to show me His grace.

There was a night last weekend where the restaurant had so many bookings and Christmas parties, I ended up staying till 1 AM. It was only two guys, me, one manager and this Italian guy who were left downstairs waiting for this one table of quite a few people to leave so we could go home as well. When the party left and we got the tables re-set and all ready for the next day, it was time to go home. I grabbed my stuff and tired as I was, said goodnight to all those left. The manager that stayed with us that night was Italian, too; he is such a friendly person and is the one who helps me with my little Italian language skills. He was walking to the kitchen as I was opening the door to leave, and so I shouted BUONA NOTTE to him across the restaurant, and he shouted DOBROU NOC back to me (yes, he tries to use his little Czech language skills, too.) It was one of those moments that only last a second, where you see or realize something but as you realize it, you also realize you’re going to miss it. That maybe didn’t make sense but, as I opened the door and smiled at the manager and started walking out, I noticed this other Italian guy sitting at a table around the corner, all tired and looking a bit lonely, and the moment I saw him I realized I should have said good night to him, too, because as I turned and walked into the night city, I heard a quiet shy “Good night.”

I felt so awful! This guy is always so gentle and kind to everybody, including me. He looked so lonely and sad sitting there by himself, and I could have shone The Light to his exhausted moment by saying DORMIRE BENE, I bet he would have smiled. But I didn’t. It would only have taken a second. If I stopped, looked around and saw the opportunity. It was brought so close to me I could have tripped over it. But I chose to ignore it instead. I chose to walk away and be too preoccupied by my own thoughts, by my own needs, by my own life. Oh how I wished that night to give my life away, to live it for others through Christ completely. Oh 

how I disliked myself that night, for being so busy and blind and selfish.

I was working the next day again, and again the night was so busy with too many Christmas parties and yummy turkey dinners and a little too much wine.

At the beginning of the night I had to go downstairs for cutlery, and when I was coming down the stairs at the back, this Italian guy was coming up and when he saw me he stopped, smiled, and said, CIAO PETRA! His kindness and smile shocked me so much I just stood there, watching him pass me by on his way up, and before I realized it I was there by myself.

CIAO PETRA. The smile. The kind heart. The forgiveness. THE GRACE. Like last night never happened. Like all I disliked myself for was erased completely. Like if I was the prettiest of all. Like if he just wanted to make my day. Like if he really loved me. 

Because He does!

This back stairs experience ran right through me, a warm wave of gratitude, confession, love, thankfulness. This moment - it changed me, it changed me forever.

I never want to live blind again. I never want to be too tired to rush home or too focused on what’s in my head to miss what’s right in front of me or too quick to get what I want that I miss what He wants. Because that’s all that matters. When you go I’ll go, when you stay I’ll stay, when you move I’ll move, I will follow you. I want my life to be still. I want to smile the smile of thankfulness when no one understands, I want to say the kind words when it is so easy to be harsh, I want to be slow to notice when circumstances ask for busyness, I want to have the arms to hug tight and long when the world gets so fast it’s blurry and confusing and hurtful. I want to be the girl who will see the guy behind the corner and say good night before she walks home to her cozy bed. I want to be different. Different for HIM.

The prettiest smiles hide the deepest secrets.

The prettiest eyes have cried the most tears.

The kindest hearts have felt the most pain. 

Open Your Eyes To All The Gifts

 

It’s the back of our house that’s always dark. There’s a door out at the back of our kitchen and a tall wall that lets no light in. But today, today is different. Today the kitchen is where I want to be, where I want to sit and think and pray and create. The sun is so strong on this beautiful winter day that it makes its way over the wall throwing its rays into our kitchen, right on the God Loves You banner, right where my eye 

catches it every time I stand at the cooker checking the meat and cutting the vegetables.

They say beauty heals. And I believe them. Just this beauty I see out the window that creeps in to make my heart sing, just the way God always thinks of new and unexpected ways to make you smile and experience His love and kindness, just that makes me want to dance and it makes my heart skip a beat because my Lover loves me and pursues me and will never let me go. He is here to never forget about me, always see me, always listen and hear me, and to always show me I am His.

And there are moments and mornings and times and days where I wonder, can I stay in this beauty and never leave it and always look into the sun and the moon and the things that make me want to forget all the darkness and make me want to be beautiful, can I stay in them forever? But I live in a world with failing bodies, broken hearts, and messed up minds. I live in a loud and blurry world that makes it difficult to see the need of developing the inner eye, the inner eye that will see the beauty everywhere; that will see all things as gifts; that will always offer thanks. There are people who will always offer harshness and careless words instead of loving arms and kind spirits. And it is hard to live in this world and not be brought down, not to let their actions and words define me, not to think of myself less, not to become like them; but God knows. He knows it’s not easy and He knows we need Him but that’s the way He made it to be and I pray I never forget to offer thanks.

It’s the people you would least expect it from, your brothers and sisters in Christ that can hurt you like no one else. It’s all expectation, and humanity. We know they know Christ and should treat us better because God loves us and them, but we are only humans, we mess up and fail and as much as I hate it, I do it, too. I let people down, I fail hard and fall and disappoint. I grew to be thankful though, because if I never failed and always brought love and kind words and never ending encouragement to people’s lives, how much would they look to God rather than me for everything? I have to embrace who I am, yes, a child of God, but also only a human, never perfect. Oh how I praise Him for that!

I try and learn and dream and pray for open eyes. I pray my eyes would always see the beauty, always see the gift, always see the light, always see the glimpse of eternity, always see a bit of God in everything. He has surrounded me with a beautiful but broken world, and I pray my eyes would see it and be thankful and always bring praise back to the Creator and Giver of all. It’s not always easy and I know there is a lot of things I could complain and not be happy about, but why would I do that to myself, to others, to Him. When I realize that it is not God who is in my debt but I who am in His great debt, then doesn’t ALL become gift? 

For He might not have.

“Faith is the gaze of a soul upon a saving God.”

Faith is the seeking God in everything, it’s about the inner eye, it’s about the open heart that accepts and sees the good.

“Their [the cherubim] entire bodies, including their backs, their hands and their wings, were completely full of eyes.” Ezekiel 10:12

“Moses kept right on going because he kept his eyes on the one who is invisible.” Hebrews 11:27

All new life labors out of the very bowels of darkness. Isn’t this the point of the gospel? The good news that all those living in the shadow of death have been birthed into new life, that the transfiguration of a suffering world has already begun. That suffering nourishes grace, and pain and joy are arteries of the same heart – and mourning and dancing are but movements in His unfinished song of beauty. Can we believe the gospel, that God is patiently transfiguring all the notes of our lives into the song of His Son?

So take the pain that is given, give thanks for it, and transform it into a joy that fulfills all the emptiness.

“Faith is the gaze of a soul upon a saving God.”

Pay attention, open your eyes, offer your heart, bring thanks and let God transform. He knows the big plan, the whole picture, the way He has prepared for you, and one day you will see how “the Lord your God has carried you, like a father carries his son, all the way to this place.” Deuteronomy 1:31.