italian people and grace.

There is a guy at work who is originally from Italy. He is an older, tall, skinny man. His English is either not very good, or he is too shy to speak it. For the lack of verbal communication he makes up by being kind and always ready to help. He works in the kitchen so I never really talked to him that much, but last week God used him in such a powerful way to show me His grace.

There was a night last weekend where the restaurant had so many bookings and Christmas parties, I ended up staying till 1 AM. It was only two guys, me, one manager and this Italian guy who were left downstairs waiting for this one table of quite a few people to leave so we could go home as well. When the party left and we got the tables re-set and all ready for the next day, it was time to go home. I grabbed my stuff and tired as I was, said goodnight to all those left. The manager that stayed with us that night was Italian, too; he is such a friendly person and is the one who helps me with my little Italian language skills. He was walking to the kitchen as I was opening the door to leave, and so I shouted BUONA NOTTE to him across the restaurant, and he shouted DOBROU NOC back to me (yes, he tries to use his little Czech language skills, too.) It was one of those moments that only last a second, where you see or realize something but as you realize it, you also realize you’re going to miss it. That maybe didn’t make sense but, as I opened the door and smiled at the manager and started walking out, I noticed this other Italian guy sitting at a table around the corner, all tired and looking a bit lonely, and the moment I saw him I realized I should have said good night to him, too, because as I turned and walked into the night city, I heard a quiet shy “Good night.”

I felt so awful! This guy is always so gentle and kind to everybody, including me. He looked so lonely and sad sitting there by himself, and I could have shone The Light to his exhausted moment by saying DORMIRE BENE, I bet he would have smiled. But I didn’t. It would only have taken a second. If I stopped, looked around and saw the opportunity. It was brought so close to me I could have tripped over it. But I chose to ignore it instead. I chose to walk away and be too preoccupied by my own thoughts, by my own needs, by my own life. Oh how I wished that night to give my life away, to live it for others through Christ completely. Oh 

how I disliked myself that night, for being so busy and blind and selfish.

I was working the next day again, and again the night was so busy with too many Christmas parties and yummy turkey dinners and a little too much wine.

At the beginning of the night I had to go downstairs for cutlery, and when I was coming down the stairs at the back, this Italian guy was coming up and when he saw me he stopped, smiled, and said, CIAO PETRA! His kindness and smile shocked me so much I just stood there, watching him pass me by on his way up, and before I realized it I was there by myself.

CIAO PETRA. The smile. The kind heart. The forgiveness. THE GRACE. Like last night never happened. Like all I disliked myself for was erased completely. Like if I was the prettiest of all. Like if he just wanted to make my day. Like if he really loved me. 

Because He does!

This back stairs experience ran right through me, a warm wave of gratitude, confession, love, thankfulness. This moment - it changed me, it changed me forever.

I never want to live blind again. I never want to be too tired to rush home or too focused on what’s in my head to miss what’s right in front of me or too quick to get what I want that I miss what He wants. Because that’s all that matters. When you go I’ll go, when you stay I’ll stay, when you move I’ll move, I will follow you. I want my life to be still. I want to smile the smile of thankfulness when no one understands, I want to say the kind words when it is so easy to be harsh, I want to be slow to notice when circumstances ask for busyness, I want to have the arms to hug tight and long when the world gets so fast it’s blurry and confusing and hurtful. I want to be the girl who will see the guy behind the corner and say good night before she walks home to her cozy bed. I want to be different. Different for HIM.

The prettiest smiles hide the deepest secrets.

The prettiest eyes have cried the most tears.

The kindest hearts have felt the most pain. 

Open Your Eyes To All The Gifts

 

It’s the back of our house that’s always dark. There’s a door out at the back of our kitchen and a tall wall that lets no light in. But today, today is different. Today the kitchen is where I want to be, where I want to sit and think and pray and create. The sun is so strong on this beautiful winter day that it makes its way over the wall throwing its rays into our kitchen, right on the God Loves You banner, right where my eye 

catches it every time I stand at the cooker checking the meat and cutting the vegetables.

They say beauty heals. And I believe them. Just this beauty I see out the window that creeps in to make my heart sing, just the way God always thinks of new and unexpected ways to make you smile and experience His love and kindness, just that makes me want to dance and it makes my heart skip a beat because my Lover loves me and pursues me and will never let me go. He is here to never forget about me, always see me, always listen and hear me, and to always show me I am His.

And there are moments and mornings and times and days where I wonder, can I stay in this beauty and never leave it and always look into the sun and the moon and the things that make me want to forget all the darkness and make me want to be beautiful, can I stay in them forever? But I live in a world with failing bodies, broken hearts, and messed up minds. I live in a loud and blurry world that makes it difficult to see the need of developing the inner eye, the inner eye that will see the beauty everywhere; that will see all things as gifts; that will always offer thanks. There are people who will always offer harshness and careless words instead of loving arms and kind spirits. And it is hard to live in this world and not be brought down, not to let their actions and words define me, not to think of myself less, not to become like them; but God knows. He knows it’s not easy and He knows we need Him but that’s the way He made it to be and I pray I never forget to offer thanks.

It’s the people you would least expect it from, your brothers and sisters in Christ that can hurt you like no one else. It’s all expectation, and humanity. We know they know Christ and should treat us better because God loves us and them, but we are only humans, we mess up and fail and as much as I hate it, I do it, too. I let people down, I fail hard and fall and disappoint. I grew to be thankful though, because if I never failed and always brought love and kind words and never ending encouragement to people’s lives, how much would they look to God rather than me for everything? I have to embrace who I am, yes, a child of God, but also only a human, never perfect. Oh how I praise Him for that!

I try and learn and dream and pray for open eyes. I pray my eyes would always see the beauty, always see the gift, always see the light, always see the glimpse of eternity, always see a bit of God in everything. He has surrounded me with a beautiful but broken world, and I pray my eyes would see it and be thankful and always bring praise back to the Creator and Giver of all. It’s not always easy and I know there is a lot of things I could complain and not be happy about, but why would I do that to myself, to others, to Him. When I realize that it is not God who is in my debt but I who am in His great debt, then doesn’t ALL become gift? 

For He might not have.

“Faith is the gaze of a soul upon a saving God.”

Faith is the seeking God in everything, it’s about the inner eye, it’s about the open heart that accepts and sees the good.

“Their [the cherubim] entire bodies, including their backs, their hands and their wings, were completely full of eyes.” Ezekiel 10:12

“Moses kept right on going because he kept his eyes on the one who is invisible.” Hebrews 11:27

All new life labors out of the very bowels of darkness. Isn’t this the point of the gospel? The good news that all those living in the shadow of death have been birthed into new life, that the transfiguration of a suffering world has already begun. That suffering nourishes grace, and pain and joy are arteries of the same heart – and mourning and dancing are but movements in His unfinished song of beauty. Can we believe the gospel, that God is patiently transfiguring all the notes of our lives into the song of His Son?

So take the pain that is given, give thanks for it, and transform it into a joy that fulfills all the emptiness.

“Faith is the gaze of a soul upon a saving God.”

Pay attention, open your eyes, offer your heart, bring thanks and let God transform. He knows the big plan, the whole picture, the way He has prepared for you, and one day you will see how “the Lord your God has carried you, like a father carries his son, all the way to this place.” Deuteronomy 1:31.

I trust.

I am sitting at the airport. It’s no longer just the Prague Airport, it’s now the Airport of Vaclav Havel in Prague. I liked Vaclav Havel. I admired him for what he did during the regime, against it and for the people. So I am sitting on his floor right now, at a gate that’s not even opened yet because I am that early. I love airports, and I enjoy travelling, but there is something about them that stresses me out. I always feel like I am late, missing an airplane, or getting the time wrong. That is why I like to be early, but this time I am too early. There are a lot of people even though this gate is at the very end of the hall, sun rays shining in through all the metal walls and big windows, and I see a guy opposite me, too sitting on Vaclav Havel’s floor, his laptop opened and I guess he is watching a movie. This is why I love places like this – you can be whoever, you don’t even have to be you, you can try to be someone else, you can speak a different language, you can sit on the floor, watch movies, sleep, look groggy or fabulous – nobody cares. The moment you enter the airport halls, you enter a different world.

My flight is to Dublin, Ireland; yet again. Leaving home but going home. Leaving and arriving. Saying heartbreaking goodbyes and sweetest hellos. Enjoying the pleasure of speaking my own language while I can, knowing later in the day I will be with no one who knows it. I am going through the motions today. Getting up, checking my suitcase weight one last time, having my brother take the heavy thing to the car, kisses from grandpa, sad looks from the puppy, a long car ride with Kuba and Mum in the dark listening to Coldplay because it’s the one band we all love, more kisses and hugs and goodbyes and eventually tears before I get on the train, the door closing and me finding my seat by the window (thank you ticket lady!), being half asleep in case they come to check my ticket but wanting to sleep so badly because my eyes hurt, getting off the train and being hit by the heat wave in the capital city where there is no snow and the temperature is nowhere near the Ostrava -3°C, walking to meet friends for breakfast and catching up with all four of them in a rush before heading to the metro, getting the old bus that carries bittersweet memories in it all the way to number  1  Terminal, getting off and waiting for my Check In desk to pop up, reading some of my book but paying no attention because thoughts come flooding my mind so I give up, look up again and see No.138 next to Dublin, heart racing fast at the desk because my suitcase might be overweight and no matter how hard I try to think I can’t think of anything I could leave behind, thankfully seeing the big red 19.9KG on the desk when I place my suitcase next to the nice guy behind it, who smiles at me and his eyes say he knows how I feel, getting my boarding pass and going through security, saying Hello and Nashledanou, another goodbye I say to a guy I do not know and will not see again but it is like saying Goodbye to my home, my country, my people and my friends, finding my gate and sitting on this cold Vaclav Havel floor.

What else this day holds, I do not know. All I know is WHO holds this day, and I think this is quite enough.

It is true that I am torn. Home for 7 days is not many but somehow deep inside I believe it was God’s plan and God’s  plans are always perfect and good for his children, his daughters – me. I can’t be anything but thankful. I got to celebrate Lukas and Marketa’s love, in person, on their big day. I got to serve and give in a practical way, too, and I was part of it. Once again my presence with all the people from church and youth group and all the friends I didn’t keep in touch with who could have been angry but chose not to, my presence with them this week was taken as normal. Normal but appreciated. I am thankful because I realized this will always be my home, and just because one moves doesn’t mean she is to leave all the friendships that are so deep and dear behind and find new ones. She can keep them, and she should keep them. It is good for her. And if this is the only thing I was to take back to Dublin, back to Belfast, back to my new home, I am thankful. Thankful for God, thankful for His gentle teaching and quiet but strong leadership, for his love and acceptance and for my friends and people who love me, in Ireland, but back in Czech, too. People in Czech who don’t give up on me even after months of no emails or calls, who love me because they know me.

I am about to board a plane to Dublin, I am about to leave all the sweet memories I made this week behind, not knowing when I will be back to pick up where I left off. I am about to leave these sun rays that are so soft and warm on my cheeks and make me close my eyes and my mouth curve into a smile. I am leaving my home.

I am going home.

And as I step into the airplane, as I find my seat by the window, as I get off and feel the rain drops on my face, as I find the right platform and get on the bus which will take me to the north and home, as I open the door to my house and find my bed, as I pray to and praise God, as I watch and smile and am quiet these next few days, as I cry and laugh and feel sad and happy all at once, as I don’t understand myself and find my own mind confusing and look to God for answers, as I get used to being away and here again, as I learn and fail and forgive myself and others and pray some more, and as I realize my God IS and is STILL and still THE SAME… as I do all this…

…I trust.

You raised me up

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

There is no life - no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up... To more than I can be.

morning fun @ 48 faneST

Joanne and Louise have finally moved into the house with Rose and I this past Sunday evening. They both started university back on Monday, and it has been fun spending time with and getting to know them. They are both lovely and it has been fun coming home after work knowing my housemates are there.

We wanted to have dinner together some night of our first week living together, but no night of this week worked for all of us so we simply decided to make pancakes for breakfast. It was so fun getting up and making pancakes together before we started our busy days wherever we were going - school, work, meetings...

Here is a few photos and also a recipe we followed, because they were SO yummy :) I picked this recipe at the Belfast Autumn Fair a few weeks ago, and hung it up in our kitchen. Here it is:

Banana Yogurt Pancakes
(feeds 2)
1 egg, lightly beaten
125ml milk
125ml natural yogurt
2 bananas, mashed with a fork
150g plain flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 tablespoon brown sugar
pinch of salt

1. Mix together the egg, milk, yogurt and bananas.
2. Sieve the flour with the baking powder into a large bowl, then stir in the 'wet' ingredients, sugar and salt. The batter will look a little lumpy. Transfer to a mixing jug and allow to stand for 10 minutes.
3. Heat a lightly oiled frying pan over a medium heat until smoking hot. Turn the heat down and pour small batches of batter into the pan. Cook on each side until golden.
4. Serve hot.

"Watch the sunrise at least once in a year, put a lot of marshmallows in your hot chocolate, lie on your back and look at the stars, never buy a coffee table that you can't put your feet on, never pass up a chance to jump on a trampoline, don't overlook life's small joys while searching for the big ones."
-H. Jackson Brown Jr.

whose am i

Isn't this giving away the way to have it all?

There are times of confusion, times of questions, times of doubt, times of feeling overwhelmed, times of having tons of thoughts but no thoughts at all. There are times in our lives where we find ourselves challenged in who we are, and whose we are. And it is completely up to us how we deal with it. We have a choice, because we are free, free in Christ. We have a choice of attitude - we could embrace it and learn from it through prayer and stillness, or we could give up and become bitter.

But when you have the choice - why would you want to become bitter?

I find myself at this place this week.
I know who I am. I am a quiet person who likes quality times with her friends and people she holds close & dear. I am a girl who seeks to be alone quite a lot, who would rather spend a quiet morning in her room rearranging her drawers and shelves - yet again. 

But I am challenged in who I am and in who I want to be.

Sometimes God sends things into my days and hours I never expected. That's why I don't like planning much ahead - God has a strange sense of humor. And when he does that, I have to keep reminding myself of whose I am, rather than who I am. I have to keep reminding myself that I am a daughter of the King, yes, but not only that - I have a purpose for walking this Earth and my purpose is to be Christ to all around me. ALL around me.

"To some people you are the only Bible they will ever read." 

My purpose is to serve selflessly, love unconditionally, every living creature on this Earth. It's that stranger I walked past this morning who wouldn't look at anybody. It's that woman sitting on the corner of my street begging for money. It's that happy couple I walked past as they laughed. It's the busy Mum I see walking out of Tesco with her hands and I can tell mind full, too. It's those people who think they have to get it all right. It's the people who think they are not enough. It's those I walk past daily who just need a simple smile. It's those who never head an encouraging word. It's those who feel unworthy. But it's also those who think they have it all. It's those who think they figured everything out by drinking so much alcohol just to forget the hurt in their lives. It's those who dress up every week and go out because if they didn't, their friends would abandon them. It's those who go with the flow because not doing it would be unacceptable. It's all those people - they are there for me to love. They are there for me to reach out to, with a touch, with a kind word, with a warm heart, and sometimes all it needs is a genuine smile. It's not a coincidence I walk past them every day - God placed them there knowing I would walk that road today, and knowing I do have the love, do have the smile, do have the Cross in me to show Christ to them.

And when I am challenged in whose I am and I have a choice between acting the way I feel or acting the way I decided to when I first accepted Jesus, I have to remind myself of all the love He showed me on the Cross. Because when I do, I become humble and I can't do anything but show people the same kind of love, because it was for ME he did it, but for YOU and YOU and YOU as well. He gave His ALL for us.

So isn't this giving away of ourselves the way to have it all?

I feel so peopled out this week. I am a quiet girl, and I get peopled out easily. I would rather stay home this weekend and not see a human being. But then I look at whose I am, and I can do nothing but be with people.

And then I come to realize, it's the smallest things in life that count.

"A whole life can be lost in minutes wasted, small moments missed."

Sometimes we have to count the smallest things in life, in our every day life, to see the bigger picture. It's the couple laughing as they walk hand in hand. It's the sun rays that make you close your eyes as you walk. It's the moment you dive into your duvets at night after a long cold day. It's the text from a friend saying they are thinking of you. It's the smell of a freshly washed dishes. It's the warmth of your kitchen after dinner. It's the clouds in the sky that remind you of things and animals. It's the smell of the crispy air. It's the smile of the one you love. It's the hug from your brother. It's the kind word of a stranger. It's those angels God sends into your life. 
It's all those blessings He rains down on us we so often miss.

Sometimes you have to focus. Sometimes you have to make yourself look for those things. Sometimes you have to keep counting. Sometimes you have to be very intentional to even see them. But they are there. It doesn't come naturally to us, but it is a habit. As you look for them more, you will see them more clearly and it will become a part of you. And it is worth it because they are glimpses of heaven on Earth, glimpses of who He is, glimpses of how much He loves you. When you see them, you want to give all you away in order to have it all. To have Him all. Because only then you realize... 

...He is all you want, He is all you need.

So let me ask again. Isn't this giving away the way to have it all?

content.

I so like the sound of the word.

CONTENT.

Do you not? It sounds so... lovely. Content. I like the sound, but I really like the meaning.

{con-tent, adjective - desiring no more than what one has; satisfied.}

And I like it even more now, because I am it. I am content. I desire no more than what I have. I am satisfied. I am at peace. I feel at home. I know I am where I am supposed to be, at this time in my life. I know I have a purpose in being where I am, both physically and spiritually. I believe I am here for a reason, and that I had been called to be here. I try my best to live out this contentment, I try to live out the joy and peace I have within.

All because of the goodness of my Father.

I think sometimes the proof that God exists is that lightning doesn't strike, but rather grace comes flooding in, raining straight down and filling your heart and soul. 
I expected a storm. I know Ireland is rainy, but I mean a different kind of storm. A storm in my life, in my head, in my heart and in my whole being. I expected to be pushed around, thrown into all kinds of confusion and doubt, I expected sadness and depression to kick in, come flood my life. In my head I was leaving the sunny, easy-to-be-in country and coming (willingly) to an always-rainy, dark and cloudy place. I expected God to throw me in there, and leave me to figure things out by myself. How to live, how to be, how to do. How silly can I be - my God is nothing like that.

When my God calls, He doesn't stop there. When He calls, He loves. When He loves, He cares. When He cares, He provides. When He provides, He walks by your side. When He walks by your side, you are humbled. When you are humbled, you become thankful. When you are thankful, you love. When you love, you become content. And when you become content, you are at a perfect place to let grace flood your heart, to let God enter and take control of your life completely, and to sit back and enjoy the ride. 

"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." Colossians 3:2

- one of my favourite verses from the Bible. Because it is true, and because I know it by experience. When we focus on God and God alone, things fall into their places and the puzzle pieces we didn't know fitted in are perfectly put together. I am humbled. I am thankful. I am amazed. He is so big it's fearful, yet so good it's beautiful. 

I don't get everything right. I am not a saint. I am not perfect or holy. I don't study the Scriptures every day. Not even every other day. I don't spend an hour every night on my knees before going to bed, praying. I don't always start my meals with thanks to my Father. I forget, I judge, I don't love enough, I am not always kind and I get it wrong most of the time. 
But I am a precious princess in the eyes of my Father, the King of kings. 

"Before there was any trees, any stars, before the whole Universe began - there was a God, and at that moment, He loved you." ~Matt Chandler

I am loved. More than I could ever imagine. I want to look to Him for everything, because His every thought for me is LOVE. He will never stop raining blessings in my life, and I pray I never stop being thankful for who He is and for who He makes me. 

I miss home. Of course I miss home. I will always miss it. It's home. It's Ostrava. As Russian as some people think it is. It's dark and not good for your lungs. It's messy and big and industrial. But forever I will hold it dear. I will always return, always go back. I miss my friends. I miss the little things that make Czechs Czech. I miss the way no one ever makes small talks. I am bad at small talk, and it is something I have to work on hard here in NIreland, because it is different and challenging and new. I miss the way no one is ever friendly to you in shops. I miss the proper sunny days, and Indian Summer in September, and deep snow in winter. Every time I walk on wet ground here in Ireland, I slow down and cautiously put my feet down expecting to fall any minute because it's ice - when really, people probably thing What's up with her! because this just doesn't happen here in Autumn. I miss the warmth of a home, because the heating here is so expensive. I miss knowing where to go for things, which shops to go to and which sections in those shops to see. I miss my ingredients, knowing what to do with them and cooking being so easy I don't really have to think about it. I miss Czech food. I miss hearing the language. I miss all things familiar, like cars on the right side of the road, buses at any time of a day, trams, Ostravice and bridges. I miss my youth group - the way we would always gather on Saturday nights, all contribute to our time together in some ways. I miss worshipping in Czech. I miss my group of friends I would always hang out with. I miss Relaks camp and being on its team. I miss Mum and I miss Kuba. I miss our late nights laughing together at stupid things. I miss having my auntie's family and Grandpa over playing games and having fun. I miss rizek and brambory and smazeny syr and chleba ve vajicku. I miss my dog. I miss the days I just could not be bothered taking him for a walk but did anyway. 
I miss it a lot.
But I always will.

I am now in my new home. And I love it!

I love the way I live a 10 minute walk away from my boy. I love that I get to speak, use and live in English every day. I love that I got to move out. I love trying out new recipes. I love it that every time I decide to cook dinner, it is an adventure - and it doesn't matter how many times before I had made it. I love that nobody understands where I'm coming from or what I'm thinking - because only God does and it leads me to be with Him daily, hourly. I love that I have to use the bus every time I want to go somewhere - because I really enjoy those times. I love it that I am growing more into who God wants me to be by being challenged daily in the smallest ways. I love that I am learning to be thankful in every situation and to count my blessings and see them all around me. I love that I am deepening my friendships here and making life-long friends. I love the culture. I love all the opportunities people and students get in this country. I love that there is so many minorities in Belfast. I love that I can go to the beach any day, whenever I decide to. I love that I get to walk past the Queen's University every night I walk home from work (I mean, it's so beautiful, who gets to do that every day!?) I love that people drink tea with milk and am thankful I now like it, too. I love that this country is so small and everyone knows each other, or is related. I love that I get to stay in and be part of Erin and Talitha's lives. I love that they use cheque books here, it's like from a movie. I love that going out to a coffee shop by yourself is not looked down upon. I love that they have mission shops. I love all the stuff they do for charity. I love that it's so green.

I am so thankful. SO thankful... to my Father for everything. I expected a storm, but received a rain of grace in my life. Sometimes it's the gentleness and quietness of God that transforms us most powerfully. And yes I did struggle after moving here, and more so after spending two weeks in the Czech Republic in summer. But sometimes you have to re-break to heal right.

Sometimes the great thing that heals us is doing a small thing again and again. I am trying my best to learn to satisfy my hunger by His Word, long walks, and finding joys in the daily challenges life brings.

It's not easy being green - by Nancy Thomas
...So yes, being green has its advantages. You now have the richness of being able to look at life through a much wider window. You've experienced more points-of-view, colours, flavors, accents, and rhythms than you ever would have just staying in your blue world.
We green people also have the ability to identify with a certain reality. Scripture teaches that our real situation in this world, as children of the kingdom, is as pilgrims and sojourners. "Aliens," Peter calls us. Apparently we're not supposed to get too attached. Green people find comfort in this - and they can certainly identify with it.
The longing for belonging won't go away, because God put it there - but it will be realized someday. It's not a cruel joke. Someday we will belong. We will find our home and discover it to be peopled by blues and yellows and greens and purples and browns - a rainbow glory gathered around the Father of Lights, the Creator of all this colour and diversity. He's the reason we go out into the coloured world today.
Meanwhile, just enjoy the journey - accepting the discomforts as well as the joys of this colourful process. Being green may not be easy. But it's good. 

I miss home, sometimes so much I could cry and it hurts to be. But I love my home now. And I think the important thing is to "Set your eyes on things above, not on earthly things." This world, this earth, these streets, this house, this room, this city, this country - any country, is not my home. My Home is with God. My Home is in my Father's stretched arms. My Home is my hiding place, in the wounds of my Savior. I will never be complete on this earth. In any city. In any house. In any room. Until I get to be HOME, where my Father makes me complete by His grace, His love. My Home is with Him, in Him. And I cannot wait!


"It's not the long walk home that will change this heart, it's the welcome I receive with every start." Mumford & Sons

october!

Autumn.
It has so many colours.
It is so cold.
It offers so much sunshine.
It makes you wear cardigans and your breath visible in the air.
It gives heavy rain and strong sun rays.
It lets you enjoy sleep ins and early beds.
It has you want to buy more scarfs.
It invites us to cook dinners with friends and enjoy the heat of the kitchen as much as laughs with our closest ones.
It always starts something new. New schools, new opportunities, new places, new faces, maybe new countries.
It definitely makes you want to go visit foreign countries.
It is the best season to go out to a beach.
It starts playing Christmas music and gives you perfect craft and DIY evenings.
It is the best season to spend hours on Pinterest.
It has pumpkin carving in it.
It means boots, cardigans, scarfs, make up, blankets, lots of tea&hot chocolate, and new books.
It is fun.
So fun.

And most important of all,
it includes Octobers!!!

October is my favourite month of every year. Yes, it is when I was born and I get to enjoy my birthday, but that is not the main reason, believe  it or not. I love Octobers because they are winter but not yet. Summer is definitely gone by then, but it is not time for snow or Christmas yet, either. It's perfect for reflection, thinking, walks, talks, friends, late night cinemas, cooking, creativity, early nights... simply being. It's a perfect month for being. I also enjoy this time of a year because the cold is still a novelty after summers. I still enjoy getting up early into the cold, I still enjoy going out just to be out for walks even though I know I will be so chilly, I still enjoy my visible breath in the air, I still enjoy and am thankful for how cold I get during the day because I know once I get into my bed at night, I will be warm and joyful again. I love Octobers!
And yes, it is my birthday month as well. I knew and still know some people who don't enjoy their birthdays at all, or don't make a big deal of them. And although I used to be one of those people, I definitely am not anymore. I love my birthday! I don't make a huge deal out of it, but I do enjoy that people want to spend time with me, because I like spending quality time with people I love. I have a little birthday theory: I think it's the best if your birthday is either on Wednesday or Friday - if it's on a Wednesday, you get to be celebrated both weekends - the one before your birthday and the one after, and if it's on a Friday, you get the whole weekend for yourself! :-)

I love Autumn, I love it right now, but I am really excited for October. Two more weeks!

I Promise (To Try)

To be so strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person I meet.
To make all my friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as I am about my own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature I meet.
To give so much time to improving myself that I have no time to criticize others.
To be too large to worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
To think well of myself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words, but in great deeds.
To live in the faith that the whole world is on my side, so long as I am true to the best that is in me.

Christian D. Larson

North Coast

This is how we enjoy the North Coast in a few photos. God created fun, friendship, laughter, love, the ocean, sun and beauty. And I praise him for all of those things and more!

every summer has a story.

Sitting in a cozy caravan at the north coast of Northern Ireland; the warm golden sun rays somehow finding their way through the grey skies which time to time bring a fresh shower of rain; pizza is being prepared for dinner and its smell fills the place; surrounded by lovely friends who you feel comfortable enough with to be completely yourself and not talk when you just don't feel like it - that is my evening today.

Today was a beautiful day full of sun and rain, green in landscapes and blue in the ocean, noisy in laughter and quiet in mind. We went down to the Downhill Strand, which is a beautiful beach close to Castlerock, one you can drive in to so we were able to park close to the waves, on the sand. We took our sandals off and went into the waves with our trousers rolled up. At first we were being careful about not getting our clothes wet, but soon we gave in to the beauty and fun of creation and enjoyed it fully, ending up completely soaked.

This is one of our days up north, spent greatly in great company.

Just. Slow. Down.

Life is not an emergency.

Life's a gift.

Just. Slow. Down.

Now is not a forever grace but amazing grace.

Sometimes the slowest way is the fastest way to JOY.

Make time today, even just a moment, to read Scripture and memorize it.

{Slowest = Fastest joy.}

Laughter is the cheapest, holiest medicine.

Preschoolers laugh 300 times a day.

Aim for double that!

Don't miss a thing.

A minute dawdled here, a minute scrolling here - they can add up to your life.

Write down the intentions for your day and prayerfully spend your life well by paying attention to the small things.

A whole life can be lost in minutes wasted, small moments missed.

Believe it: He has all you need today.

The needs of our day are great but God is greater. We call Him Providence because He always provides.

{And when God provides, He should be praised. And if God always provides, shouldn't praise always be on the lips?}

Slow. Children at play.

Time's this priceless currency and only the slow spend it wise enough to be rich.

If we had to actually buy our time, would we spend it more wisely - spend it more slowly?

{God's Word never says Hurry Up, it only whispers, Wake Up.}

Love is patient.

Parenting is this gentle way of bending over in humility to help the scraped child up because we intimately know it takes a lifetime to learn how to walk with Him.

Patience. Love always begins with patience and patience is a willingness to suffer.

Sleep In Peace

"I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety."
~Psalm 4:8

See the "I will?" It's a decision. 

You don't have to be a victim of insomnia. I have always had trouble falling asleep. The moment I hit the pillow I think of everything. My mind is so loud. The second before falling asleep is the most active second of my life, in my mind. I know that falling asleep with a full and active mind does not predict to a peaceful sleep. I could sleep for 8-10 hours, still I will feel tired the next day and that will not help me in being a blessing to be around. Good sleep helps your physical, emotional, and spiritual health.

There is a few simple things you can do today, that will help you sleep in peace. 
1) Modify your eating habits. See my previous post.
2) Create the right environment. The ideal sleep atmosphere is dark, quiet and cool. 
3) Establish a nighttime routine. Find a way to unwind and do the same thing every night. If possible, end your routine by getting to bed around the same time every night. 
4) Keep a notebook by your bed. If your mind is full and you can't stop thinking about things that worry you, concern you, things that need to be done and planned, write it down. I never thought this actually helped to remove them from my mind, but it did. Try it and you'll be surprised!

These are things that helped me. I hope they help you, too, and you find your perfect nighttime routine and pattern to feel better. Any tips? Share! ;-) 

Resolve to Control Your Eating Habits

"But Daniel resolved not to defile himself with the royal food and wine, and he asked the chief official for permission not to defile himself this way. Now God had caused the official to show favor and sympathy to Daniel, but the official told Daniel, 'I am afraid of my lord the king, who has assigned your food and drink. Why should he see you looking worse than the other young men your age? The king would then have my head because of you.'
Daniel then said to the guard whom the chief official had appointed over Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah, 'Please test your servants for ten days: Give us nothing but vegetables to eat and water to drink. Then compare our appearance with that of the young men who eat the royal food, and treat your servants in accordance with what you see.' So he agreed to this and tested them for ten days.
At the end of the ten days they looked healthier and better nourished than any of the young men who ate the royal food."
~ Daniel 1:11-15

Daniel believed it was important to observe healthy eating habits, even when doing so involved a lot of extra effort. He didn't do it because it was convenient; he was willing to do what was inconvenient. Eating healthily has always taken extra effort and it always will. But it's worth it.

This morning in my quiet time I was challenged to take Daniel's eating habits on, and put it to test myself. I was challenged to eat and drink only vegetables and water. At the end of the ten days, I am to see how much better I look and feel. 
I am excited and will let you know how it went and how I feel when it's over.

"Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control."
~ Proverbs 25:28

Did you know that sugar literally breaks down your immune system?
Did you know that...
...6 teaspoons of sugar in one sitting will decrease your immune function by 25 %
...12 teaspoons of sugar will decrease your immune function by 60 %
...24 teaspoons of sugar will decrease your immune function by 92 %

Self-control is your personal city wall. Don't be like a city with walls broken-down. Control how much sugar you eat during a day and you will feel so much better!




What we eat, and how much we eat, has a profound impact on our body, soul, and spirit. Learn to satisfy your hunger with good things: time with God, time with good friends, fresh air, long walks. Don't live to eat; eat to live!

Bucket List

1. Walk the Great Wall of China
2. See Rio de Janeiro
3. Go to Tokyo 
4. See Alaska
5. Spend Christmas in a foreign country
6. visit Cape Town
7. write a book
8. speak fluent Italian
9. lead a women's conference
10. learn to play the harp
11. adopt
12. visit Disneyland
13. grow a vegetable garden
14. have Kuba walk me down the aisle
15. have bilingual children
16. run a marathon
17. get a photo with Santa
18. get a puppy
19. learn to knit
20. learn to surf
21. see Rome
22. snowboard in Colorado
23. swim in the Dead Sea
24. read all CSLewis books
25. go to Mirabilandia
26. read the whole Bible
27. go on a real USA road trip
28. go to Israel
29. see the Berlin Wall
30. own a record player & all Coldplay records
31. overcome my fear or riding horses
32. visit the art museum in NYC
33. see Coldplay live
34. go to Boston
35. visit Portland
36. visit Chicago
37. get a ride on a gondola in Venice
38. ride a jet ski
39. go paragliding
40. see the Venice festival in February
41. do zorbing
42. see Auschwitz
43. go to a drive-in-movie
44. visit Petra
45. see a real baseball game in America

Pineapple Ginger Smoothie

Ingredients:
1 1/2 cups fresh Pineapple, diced
1 Banana
1/2 cup Greek Yogurt
1 tbsp fresh Ginger, grated
1/2 cup Ice
1/2 cup Pineapple Juice or Water

YUM.

Psalm 108:4

Yum Tomato Tart

Heirloom Tomato Tart with Pesto and Goat Cheese



Ingredients:

Tomato Tart Ingredients:
Tart Dough
1lb fresh Tomatoes, sliced
1/4 cup Pesto (recipe follows)
1/2 medium sized Onion, sliced
1 tbsp fresh Thyme Leaves
Sea Salt, Black Pepper

Pesto Ingredients:
4 tbsp Pinenuts, toasted
15 Walnut halves
4 black Peppercorns
2 medium sized cloves of Garlic
4 cups Basil Leaves
6 oz freshly grated Parmigiano Reggiano
1 tbsp fresh Lemon Juice
1 tsp Sea Salt
1 1/2 cups Olive Oil

Directions:

Tart Directions:
Preheat oven to 400 F/205'C
1. Make tart dough and roll out into 9" or 10" tart pan. Trim excess dough.
2. Press the bottom of the tart with your fingers, making indentions in the bottom.
3. Spread the 1/4 cup of Pesto over the bottom of the crust.

4. Layer in the Onions, creating a light layer loosely covering the bottom of the tart. Layer Tomatoes on top of the Onions.
5. Crumble the Goat Cheese into large chunks and spread over the tart. Sprinkle Thyme leave over tart. Season tart with Sea Salt and Black Pepper for taste.

6. Bake for 30-35 minutes or until Cheese and edges of Tomatoes are starting to char, and crust is golden.

Pesto Directions:
1. Combine nuts, peppercorns, and garlic in a food processor. Pulse a few times to break up and combine.
2. Add basil leaves, cheese, lemon juice, salt and 1/2 cup of olive oil in processor. Grind until very fine.
3. Gradually add remaining oil grinding until smooth.

YUMMY IN MY TUMMY!

10 ways to love.

LISTEN Proverbs 18:24      ENJOY Philippians 2:14
without interrupting                without complaint

SPEAK James 1:19              TRUST 1 Corinthians 13:7
without accusing                    without wavering

GIVE Proverbs 21:26           FORGIVE Colossians 3:13
without sparing                      without punishing

PRAY Colossians 1:9            PROMISE Proverbs 13:12
without ceasing                      without forgetting

ANSWER Proverbs 17:1      SHARE Ephesians 4:15
without arguing                       without pretending

April through August

April 19 

I boarded an EasyJet plane with a full suitcase and a full heart as well as a full mind; from Krakow, Poland to Belfast, Northern Ireland. My booking was one way; no return flight, no return date. Did I realize this as I found my window seat and waited patiently to take off? Not at all. To be honest I don't think I fully realize it now, either. Now is 4 months later and I am writing this post in my new house in Belfast. Things change and life goes on, thankfully God is still and never changes. Let me tell you more about my journey with Him so far, and how His character has been keeping  me strong even when I feel so weak.

April 19 - July 17

These three months were full in every way I can think of. I lived with my Bowman family and helped around the house, enjoyed being part of the youth ministry in Saintfield for a bit again and helped finish off strong for summer, taught a little bit of Czech at our mission trip team meetings, and was part of our fundraisers. This all kept us busy up until the day we left for Prague. A week before we took off, Selah Grace Bowman was born into this world :)

There were days in these months where I missed home, but they were not frequent and busyness didn't let me dwell on it too much. Although, I noticed I was growing a little numb (the best way to describe it after a long time of thinking when I journalled about it earlier) towards everything. Maybe it's because the days were so full and life was so busy. I was sure God was with me every day, I knew his presence was real, but I knew I could be closer to Him. Still He loved me and carried me through my days & weeks. Faithful as He always is. Real as only He can be. Gentle as ever.

July 17 - August 1

Czech. Prague. Orlicke hory. English Camp. Follow Up. People. Camp songs. Games. Breaking my comfort zones. Challenge. Translation. Collision of languages. Cultures. Driving on the right. The language. The humor. Tears of laughter. Kuba. My country.

Yes people make fun of me for being from Russia, but I actually am from the Czech Republic. When we landed in Prague on the late Tuesday afternoon, took a bus to Krystal, checked in and went for a walk around Prague I must say I knew I was home. I never realized how much energy it requires of me to walk in NI where people drive on the other side of the road. It's not that it's wrong or it bothers me, not at all. But it is different and believe me or not, I am still getting used to it (I prefer looking both directions before crossing in NI, because I just can never remember where to look first.) But that night in Prague, I did not have to think twice and things just came so naturally to me. I felt so light, I felt so good.

So after this little experience with being back after three months you can guess the next week or so was quite difficult on me. I just wanted to stay. I was thankful though that I experienced what I did on the first night, because I still had two weeks ahead of me to pray about it and to let God change my attitude in it. As the end of our time in Czech came closer and closer, I felt better. I knew I was only seeing things grey in Ireland and bright in Czech because that's how I wanted to see it, not because it was necessarily true. I was still confused and emotional about leaving, but my attitude was changed and I was able to believe in my heart that God knew what He was doing even if I had no idea. Yet again He worked mightily in my mind and in my whole being, so silently and ever gently, I didn't even recognize it until it was all ready to be revealed to me and I knew He had me, I knew He had my heart.

At the JV debrief in Prague after camp, as we sang the song "You Never Let Go," I wrote in my journal these words: If You never let go in every high and every low, through the calm and through the storm, why would You let me go in Czech or Ireland? It doesn't matter where I am, because You NEVER let go!"

What a great truth to realize two days before heading back to Saintfield.

August 1 - present.

It's August 16 today.We have been back for a while. Our first week home we had Route 316 in the evenings, which was like a mini camp for children. At the end of that week we had two youth events and all of these things helped me to realize I am back, and I am back for a while. This is my home now. Maybe it will never feel like a home home, but this is where I belong for this particular time in my life. Not forever, but for today. God has been faithful and so very good to me. The weather has been amazing, my mind is very positive, I am excited for what the near future holds.

"I don't know what tomorrow holds but I know the One who holds tomorrow."

Maybe this is a different culture. Maybe their humor is different. Maybe they grew up watching different movies. Maybe sometimes I don't understand what they are talking about. Maybe they don't understand me. Maybe I don't even try to explain. Maybe this whole change is changing me. Maybe I am changing. Maybe it is shaping me into somebody new. Maybe I don't understand and am not understood at times.

But I know God is with me. He carries my heart and holds my hand. He sets the path for me to go and I walk close to Him, knowing his love, gentleness, kindness and understanding in all I do. Step by step as I take it walking into the center of this city. Moment by moment as I try to figure out the next move. Box by box as I unpack and move into my new house. Thought by thought as I try to deal with what I see, hear and feel. Move by move as I try to see who I was, who I am, and who I am changing into.

It's an adventure. It's a book, and I started a new chapter. Will you walk in prayer with me, anticipating the next thing He brings me to? I will share along the way.

Stay strong.