LITTLE KADEN.

This is a blog of Diana Stone. She lost twins after they were born not that long ago, and now her two week old son, Kaden, is fighting for his life in a hospital because he needs a new heart. Please read her blog, and pray for her and her husband and their little daughter, for peace to flood their hearts as they are asking questions they don't know the answers to. Please pray that God would bless and keep them, and pray for a miracle. Kaden needs one.

http://www.hormonal-imbalances.com/2013/08/shaken/

the small things like sun and botanic and unicorns.

it's the simple things in life. i took my (borrowed) bike out today for the first time. the sky is summery blue with white puffy clouds floating across it, i have found a nice spot on the grass under a lonely tree to sit, the sun is shining secretly but intensely through its leaves, i hear people walking, friends chatting, children laughing and dogs barking and the mixture of it all is my favourite sound in the entire world. perhaps because it reminds me of my childhood spent sleeping in tents at different campsites in summers.

it's days like today and moments like now that make me want to stay here forever. that make me happy. and it's times like these that i once again KNOW that it's my decision alone to not be this happy, this content, this thankful, this fulfilled in every moment of my every day. it's about looking for those things and not only finding them, but also enjoying them - enjoying them to the full. because life and days and hours and moments are full of those things.

but it's my decision alone to open my eyes and be willing to see them, be willing to let God so overwhelm you by His goodness that you forgive all the pain-givers and transform all the hurt into strengths and blessings. because when you truly decide to open your eyes, the goodness of God and the richness of His grace will come flooding in and you will never be the same. it will transform you quietly from the inside out and forever.

God and you, you and God, your little secret that will shout the truth loud into the lives of those around you.

if only you were willing to try.

if only i was...

"If you want to live the richest life, you have to learn to be where you are."

Jesus knew the key to getting the most out of life for what it was created to be. Matthew 6:34 says it clearly, 'Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.'

BE where you are.

Andrew Peterson

It's so easy to cash in these chips on my shoulders
So easy to loose this old tongue like a tiger
It's easy to let all this bitterness smolder
Just to hide it away like a cigarette lighter

It's easy to curse and to hurt and to hinder
It's easy to not have the heart to remember
That I am a priest and a prince in the Kingdom of God

I've got voices that scream in my head like a siren
Fears that I feel in the night when I sleep
Stupid choices I made when I played in the mire
Like a kid in the mud on some dirty blind street

I've got sorrow to spare, I've got loneliness too
I've got blood on these hands that hold on to the truth
That I am a priest and a prince in the Kingdom of God

I swore on the Bible not to tell a lie
But I've lied and lied
And I crossed my heart and I hoped to die
And I've died and died

But if it's true that you gathered my sin in your hand
And you cast it as far as the east is from the west
If it's true that you put on the flesh of a man
And you walked in my shoes through the shadow of death

If it's true that you dwell in the halls of my heart
Then I'm not just a fool with a fancy guitar
No, I am a priest and a prince in the Kingdom of God

italian people and grace.

There is a guy at work who is originally from Italy. He is an older, tall, skinny man. His English is either not very good, or he is too shy to speak it. For the lack of verbal communication he makes up by being kind and always ready to help. He works in the kitchen so I never really talked to him that much, but last week God used him in such a powerful way to show me His grace.

There was a night last weekend where the restaurant had so many bookings and Christmas parties, I ended up staying till 1 AM. It was only two guys, me, one manager and this Italian guy who were left downstairs waiting for this one table of quite a few people to leave so we could go home as well. When the party left and we got the tables re-set and all ready for the next day, it was time to go home. I grabbed my stuff and tired as I was, said goodnight to all those left. The manager that stayed with us that night was Italian, too; he is such a friendly person and is the one who helps me with my little Italian language skills. He was walking to the kitchen as I was opening the door to leave, and so I shouted BUONA NOTTE to him across the restaurant, and he shouted DOBROU NOC back to me (yes, he tries to use his little Czech language skills, too.) It was one of those moments that only last a second, where you see or realize something but as you realize it, you also realize you’re going to miss it. That maybe didn’t make sense but, as I opened the door and smiled at the manager and started walking out, I noticed this other Italian guy sitting at a table around the corner, all tired and looking a bit lonely, and the moment I saw him I realized I should have said good night to him, too, because as I turned and walked into the night city, I heard a quiet shy “Good night.”

I felt so awful! This guy is always so gentle and kind to everybody, including me. He looked so lonely and sad sitting there by himself, and I could have shone The Light to his exhausted moment by saying DORMIRE BENE, I bet he would have smiled. But I didn’t. It would only have taken a second. If I stopped, looked around and saw the opportunity. It was brought so close to me I could have tripped over it. But I chose to ignore it instead. I chose to walk away and be too preoccupied by my own thoughts, by my own needs, by my own life. Oh how I wished that night to give my life away, to live it for others through Christ completely. Oh 

how I disliked myself that night, for being so busy and blind and selfish.

I was working the next day again, and again the night was so busy with too many Christmas parties and yummy turkey dinners and a little too much wine.

At the beginning of the night I had to go downstairs for cutlery, and when I was coming down the stairs at the back, this Italian guy was coming up and when he saw me he stopped, smiled, and said, CIAO PETRA! His kindness and smile shocked me so much I just stood there, watching him pass me by on his way up, and before I realized it I was there by myself.

CIAO PETRA. The smile. The kind heart. The forgiveness. THE GRACE. Like last night never happened. Like all I disliked myself for was erased completely. Like if I was the prettiest of all. Like if he just wanted to make my day. Like if he really loved me. 

Because He does!

This back stairs experience ran right through me, a warm wave of gratitude, confession, love, thankfulness. This moment - it changed me, it changed me forever.

I never want to live blind again. I never want to be too tired to rush home or too focused on what’s in my head to miss what’s right in front of me or too quick to get what I want that I miss what He wants. Because that’s all that matters. When you go I’ll go, when you stay I’ll stay, when you move I’ll move, I will follow you. I want my life to be still. I want to smile the smile of thankfulness when no one understands, I want to say the kind words when it is so easy to be harsh, I want to be slow to notice when circumstances ask for busyness, I want to have the arms to hug tight and long when the world gets so fast it’s blurry and confusing and hurtful. I want to be the girl who will see the guy behind the corner and say good night before she walks home to her cozy bed. I want to be different. Different for HIM.

The prettiest smiles hide the deepest secrets.

The prettiest eyes have cried the most tears.

The kindest hearts have felt the most pain. 

Open Your Eyes To All The Gifts

 

It’s the back of our house that’s always dark. There’s a door out at the back of our kitchen and a tall wall that lets no light in. But today, today is different. Today the kitchen is where I want to be, where I want to sit and think and pray and create. The sun is so strong on this beautiful winter day that it makes its way over the wall throwing its rays into our kitchen, right on the God Loves You banner, right where my eye 

catches it every time I stand at the cooker checking the meat and cutting the vegetables.

They say beauty heals. And I believe them. Just this beauty I see out the window that creeps in to make my heart sing, just the way God always thinks of new and unexpected ways to make you smile and experience His love and kindness, just that makes me want to dance and it makes my heart skip a beat because my Lover loves me and pursues me and will never let me go. He is here to never forget about me, always see me, always listen and hear me, and to always show me I am His.

And there are moments and mornings and times and days where I wonder, can I stay in this beauty and never leave it and always look into the sun and the moon and the things that make me want to forget all the darkness and make me want to be beautiful, can I stay in them forever? But I live in a world with failing bodies, broken hearts, and messed up minds. I live in a loud and blurry world that makes it difficult to see the need of developing the inner eye, the inner eye that will see the beauty everywhere; that will see all things as gifts; that will always offer thanks. There are people who will always offer harshness and careless words instead of loving arms and kind spirits. And it is hard to live in this world and not be brought down, not to let their actions and words define me, not to think of myself less, not to become like them; but God knows. He knows it’s not easy and He knows we need Him but that’s the way He made it to be and I pray I never forget to offer thanks.

It’s the people you would least expect it from, your brothers and sisters in Christ that can hurt you like no one else. It’s all expectation, and humanity. We know they know Christ and should treat us better because God loves us and them, but we are only humans, we mess up and fail and as much as I hate it, I do it, too. I let people down, I fail hard and fall and disappoint. I grew to be thankful though, because if I never failed and always brought love and kind words and never ending encouragement to people’s lives, how much would they look to God rather than me for everything? I have to embrace who I am, yes, a child of God, but also only a human, never perfect. Oh how I praise Him for that!

I try and learn and dream and pray for open eyes. I pray my eyes would always see the beauty, always see the gift, always see the light, always see the glimpse of eternity, always see a bit of God in everything. He has surrounded me with a beautiful but broken world, and I pray my eyes would see it and be thankful and always bring praise back to the Creator and Giver of all. It’s not always easy and I know there is a lot of things I could complain and not be happy about, but why would I do that to myself, to others, to Him. When I realize that it is not God who is in my debt but I who am in His great debt, then doesn’t ALL become gift? 

For He might not have.

“Faith is the gaze of a soul upon a saving God.”

Faith is the seeking God in everything, it’s about the inner eye, it’s about the open heart that accepts and sees the good.

“Their [the cherubim] entire bodies, including their backs, their hands and their wings, were completely full of eyes.” Ezekiel 10:12

“Moses kept right on going because he kept his eyes on the one who is invisible.” Hebrews 11:27

All new life labors out of the very bowels of darkness. Isn’t this the point of the gospel? The good news that all those living in the shadow of death have been birthed into new life, that the transfiguration of a suffering world has already begun. That suffering nourishes grace, and pain and joy are arteries of the same heart – and mourning and dancing are but movements in His unfinished song of beauty. Can we believe the gospel, that God is patiently transfiguring all the notes of our lives into the song of His Son?

So take the pain that is given, give thanks for it, and transform it into a joy that fulfills all the emptiness.

“Faith is the gaze of a soul upon a saving God.”

Pay attention, open your eyes, offer your heart, bring thanks and let God transform. He knows the big plan, the whole picture, the way He has prepared for you, and one day you will see how “the Lord your God has carried you, like a father carries his son, all the way to this place.” Deuteronomy 1:31.

I trust.

I am sitting at the airport. It’s no longer just the Prague Airport, it’s now the Airport of Vaclav Havel in Prague. I liked Vaclav Havel. I admired him for what he did during the regime, against it and for the people. So I am sitting on his floor right now, at a gate that’s not even opened yet because I am that early. I love airports, and I enjoy travelling, but there is something about them that stresses me out. I always feel like I am late, missing an airplane, or getting the time wrong. That is why I like to be early, but this time I am too early. There are a lot of people even though this gate is at the very end of the hall, sun rays shining in through all the metal walls and big windows, and I see a guy opposite me, too sitting on Vaclav Havel’s floor, his laptop opened and I guess he is watching a movie. This is why I love places like this – you can be whoever, you don’t even have to be you, you can try to be someone else, you can speak a different language, you can sit on the floor, watch movies, sleep, look groggy or fabulous – nobody cares. The moment you enter the airport halls, you enter a different world.

My flight is to Dublin, Ireland; yet again. Leaving home but going home. Leaving and arriving. Saying heartbreaking goodbyes and sweetest hellos. Enjoying the pleasure of speaking my own language while I can, knowing later in the day I will be with no one who knows it. I am going through the motions today. Getting up, checking my suitcase weight one last time, having my brother take the heavy thing to the car, kisses from grandpa, sad looks from the puppy, a long car ride with Kuba and Mum in the dark listening to Coldplay because it’s the one band we all love, more kisses and hugs and goodbyes and eventually tears before I get on the train, the door closing and me finding my seat by the window (thank you ticket lady!), being half asleep in case they come to check my ticket but wanting to sleep so badly because my eyes hurt, getting off the train and being hit by the heat wave in the capital city where there is no snow and the temperature is nowhere near the Ostrava -3°C, walking to meet friends for breakfast and catching up with all four of them in a rush before heading to the metro, getting the old bus that carries bittersweet memories in it all the way to number  1  Terminal, getting off and waiting for my Check In desk to pop up, reading some of my book but paying no attention because thoughts come flooding my mind so I give up, look up again and see No.138 next to Dublin, heart racing fast at the desk because my suitcase might be overweight and no matter how hard I try to think I can’t think of anything I could leave behind, thankfully seeing the big red 19.9KG on the desk when I place my suitcase next to the nice guy behind it, who smiles at me and his eyes say he knows how I feel, getting my boarding pass and going through security, saying Hello and Nashledanou, another goodbye I say to a guy I do not know and will not see again but it is like saying Goodbye to my home, my country, my people and my friends, finding my gate and sitting on this cold Vaclav Havel floor.

What else this day holds, I do not know. All I know is WHO holds this day, and I think this is quite enough.

It is true that I am torn. Home for 7 days is not many but somehow deep inside I believe it was God’s plan and God’s  plans are always perfect and good for his children, his daughters – me. I can’t be anything but thankful. I got to celebrate Lukas and Marketa’s love, in person, on their big day. I got to serve and give in a practical way, too, and I was part of it. Once again my presence with all the people from church and youth group and all the friends I didn’t keep in touch with who could have been angry but chose not to, my presence with them this week was taken as normal. Normal but appreciated. I am thankful because I realized this will always be my home, and just because one moves doesn’t mean she is to leave all the friendships that are so deep and dear behind and find new ones. She can keep them, and she should keep them. It is good for her. And if this is the only thing I was to take back to Dublin, back to Belfast, back to my new home, I am thankful. Thankful for God, thankful for His gentle teaching and quiet but strong leadership, for his love and acceptance and for my friends and people who love me, in Ireland, but back in Czech, too. People in Czech who don’t give up on me even after months of no emails or calls, who love me because they know me.

I am about to board a plane to Dublin, I am about to leave all the sweet memories I made this week behind, not knowing when I will be back to pick up where I left off. I am about to leave these sun rays that are so soft and warm on my cheeks and make me close my eyes and my mouth curve into a smile. I am leaving my home.

I am going home.

And as I step into the airplane, as I find my seat by the window, as I get off and feel the rain drops on my face, as I find the right platform and get on the bus which will take me to the north and home, as I open the door to my house and find my bed, as I pray to and praise God, as I watch and smile and am quiet these next few days, as I cry and laugh and feel sad and happy all at once, as I don’t understand myself and find my own mind confusing and look to God for answers, as I get used to being away and here again, as I learn and fail and forgive myself and others and pray some more, and as I realize my God IS and is STILL and still THE SAME… as I do all this…

…I trust.

You raised me up

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

There is no life - no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up... To more than I can be.