whose am i

Isn't this giving away the way to have it all?

There are times of confusion, times of questions, times of doubt, times of feeling overwhelmed, times of having tons of thoughts but no thoughts at all. There are times in our lives where we find ourselves challenged in who we are, and whose we are. And it is completely up to us how we deal with it. We have a choice, because we are free, free in Christ. We have a choice of attitude - we could embrace it and learn from it through prayer and stillness, or we could give up and become bitter.

But when you have the choice - why would you want to become bitter?

I find myself at this place this week.
I know who I am. I am a quiet person who likes quality times with her friends and people she holds close & dear. I am a girl who seeks to be alone quite a lot, who would rather spend a quiet morning in her room rearranging her drawers and shelves - yet again. 

But I am challenged in who I am and in who I want to be.

Sometimes God sends things into my days and hours I never expected. That's why I don't like planning much ahead - God has a strange sense of humor. And when he does that, I have to keep reminding myself of whose I am, rather than who I am. I have to keep reminding myself that I am a daughter of the King, yes, but not only that - I have a purpose for walking this Earth and my purpose is to be Christ to all around me. ALL around me.

"To some people you are the only Bible they will ever read." 

My purpose is to serve selflessly, love unconditionally, every living creature on this Earth. It's that stranger I walked past this morning who wouldn't look at anybody. It's that woman sitting on the corner of my street begging for money. It's that happy couple I walked past as they laughed. It's the busy Mum I see walking out of Tesco with her hands and I can tell mind full, too. It's those people who think they have to get it all right. It's the people who think they are not enough. It's those I walk past daily who just need a simple smile. It's those who never head an encouraging word. It's those who feel unworthy. But it's also those who think they have it all. It's those who think they figured everything out by drinking so much alcohol just to forget the hurt in their lives. It's those who dress up every week and go out because if they didn't, their friends would abandon them. It's those who go with the flow because not doing it would be unacceptable. It's all those people - they are there for me to love. They are there for me to reach out to, with a touch, with a kind word, with a warm heart, and sometimes all it needs is a genuine smile. It's not a coincidence I walk past them every day - God placed them there knowing I would walk that road today, and knowing I do have the love, do have the smile, do have the Cross in me to show Christ to them.

And when I am challenged in whose I am and I have a choice between acting the way I feel or acting the way I decided to when I first accepted Jesus, I have to remind myself of all the love He showed me on the Cross. Because when I do, I become humble and I can't do anything but show people the same kind of love, because it was for ME he did it, but for YOU and YOU and YOU as well. He gave His ALL for us.

So isn't this giving away of ourselves the way to have it all?

I feel so peopled out this week. I am a quiet girl, and I get peopled out easily. I would rather stay home this weekend and not see a human being. But then I look at whose I am, and I can do nothing but be with people.

And then I come to realize, it's the smallest things in life that count.

"A whole life can be lost in minutes wasted, small moments missed."

Sometimes we have to count the smallest things in life, in our every day life, to see the bigger picture. It's the couple laughing as they walk hand in hand. It's the sun rays that make you close your eyes as you walk. It's the moment you dive into your duvets at night after a long cold day. It's the text from a friend saying they are thinking of you. It's the smell of a freshly washed dishes. It's the warmth of your kitchen after dinner. It's the clouds in the sky that remind you of things and animals. It's the smell of the crispy air. It's the smile of the one you love. It's the hug from your brother. It's the kind word of a stranger. It's those angels God sends into your life. 
It's all those blessings He rains down on us we so often miss.

Sometimes you have to focus. Sometimes you have to make yourself look for those things. Sometimes you have to keep counting. Sometimes you have to be very intentional to even see them. But they are there. It doesn't come naturally to us, but it is a habit. As you look for them more, you will see them more clearly and it will become a part of you. And it is worth it because they are glimpses of heaven on Earth, glimpses of who He is, glimpses of how much He loves you. When you see them, you want to give all you away in order to have it all. To have Him all. Because only then you realize... 

...He is all you want, He is all you need.

So let me ask again. Isn't this giving away the way to have it all?