content.

I so like the sound of the word.

CONTENT.

Do you not? It sounds so... lovely. Content. I like the sound, but I really like the meaning.

{con-tent, adjective - desiring no more than what one has; satisfied.}

And I like it even more now, because I am it. I am content. I desire no more than what I have. I am satisfied. I am at peace. I feel at home. I know I am where I am supposed to be, at this time in my life. I know I have a purpose in being where I am, both physically and spiritually. I believe I am here for a reason, and that I had been called to be here. I try my best to live out this contentment, I try to live out the joy and peace I have within.

All because of the goodness of my Father.

I think sometimes the proof that God exists is that lightning doesn't strike, but rather grace comes flooding in, raining straight down and filling your heart and soul. 
I expected a storm. I know Ireland is rainy, but I mean a different kind of storm. A storm in my life, in my head, in my heart and in my whole being. I expected to be pushed around, thrown into all kinds of confusion and doubt, I expected sadness and depression to kick in, come flood my life. In my head I was leaving the sunny, easy-to-be-in country and coming (willingly) to an always-rainy, dark and cloudy place. I expected God to throw me in there, and leave me to figure things out by myself. How to live, how to be, how to do. How silly can I be - my God is nothing like that.

When my God calls, He doesn't stop there. When He calls, He loves. When He loves, He cares. When He cares, He provides. When He provides, He walks by your side. When He walks by your side, you are humbled. When you are humbled, you become thankful. When you are thankful, you love. When you love, you become content. And when you become content, you are at a perfect place to let grace flood your heart, to let God enter and take control of your life completely, and to sit back and enjoy the ride. 

"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." Colossians 3:2

- one of my favourite verses from the Bible. Because it is true, and because I know it by experience. When we focus on God and God alone, things fall into their places and the puzzle pieces we didn't know fitted in are perfectly put together. I am humbled. I am thankful. I am amazed. He is so big it's fearful, yet so good it's beautiful. 

I don't get everything right. I am not a saint. I am not perfect or holy. I don't study the Scriptures every day. Not even every other day. I don't spend an hour every night on my knees before going to bed, praying. I don't always start my meals with thanks to my Father. I forget, I judge, I don't love enough, I am not always kind and I get it wrong most of the time. 
But I am a precious princess in the eyes of my Father, the King of kings. 

"Before there was any trees, any stars, before the whole Universe began - there was a God, and at that moment, He loved you." ~Matt Chandler

I am loved. More than I could ever imagine. I want to look to Him for everything, because His every thought for me is LOVE. He will never stop raining blessings in my life, and I pray I never stop being thankful for who He is and for who He makes me. 

I miss home. Of course I miss home. I will always miss it. It's home. It's Ostrava. As Russian as some people think it is. It's dark and not good for your lungs. It's messy and big and industrial. But forever I will hold it dear. I will always return, always go back. I miss my friends. I miss the little things that make Czechs Czech. I miss the way no one ever makes small talks. I am bad at small talk, and it is something I have to work on hard here in NIreland, because it is different and challenging and new. I miss the way no one is ever friendly to you in shops. I miss the proper sunny days, and Indian Summer in September, and deep snow in winter. Every time I walk on wet ground here in Ireland, I slow down and cautiously put my feet down expecting to fall any minute because it's ice - when really, people probably thing What's up with her! because this just doesn't happen here in Autumn. I miss the warmth of a home, because the heating here is so expensive. I miss knowing where to go for things, which shops to go to and which sections in those shops to see. I miss my ingredients, knowing what to do with them and cooking being so easy I don't really have to think about it. I miss Czech food. I miss hearing the language. I miss all things familiar, like cars on the right side of the road, buses at any time of a day, trams, Ostravice and bridges. I miss my youth group - the way we would always gather on Saturday nights, all contribute to our time together in some ways. I miss worshipping in Czech. I miss my group of friends I would always hang out with. I miss Relaks camp and being on its team. I miss Mum and I miss Kuba. I miss our late nights laughing together at stupid things. I miss having my auntie's family and Grandpa over playing games and having fun. I miss rizek and brambory and smazeny syr and chleba ve vajicku. I miss my dog. I miss the days I just could not be bothered taking him for a walk but did anyway. 
I miss it a lot.
But I always will.

I am now in my new home. And I love it!

I love the way I live a 10 minute walk away from my boy. I love that I get to speak, use and live in English every day. I love that I got to move out. I love trying out new recipes. I love it that every time I decide to cook dinner, it is an adventure - and it doesn't matter how many times before I had made it. I love that nobody understands where I'm coming from or what I'm thinking - because only God does and it leads me to be with Him daily, hourly. I love that I have to use the bus every time I want to go somewhere - because I really enjoy those times. I love it that I am growing more into who God wants me to be by being challenged daily in the smallest ways. I love that I am learning to be thankful in every situation and to count my blessings and see them all around me. I love that I am deepening my friendships here and making life-long friends. I love the culture. I love all the opportunities people and students get in this country. I love that there is so many minorities in Belfast. I love that I can go to the beach any day, whenever I decide to. I love that I get to walk past the Queen's University every night I walk home from work (I mean, it's so beautiful, who gets to do that every day!?) I love that people drink tea with milk and am thankful I now like it, too. I love that this country is so small and everyone knows each other, or is related. I love that I get to stay in and be part of Erin and Talitha's lives. I love that they use cheque books here, it's like from a movie. I love that going out to a coffee shop by yourself is not looked down upon. I love that they have mission shops. I love all the stuff they do for charity. I love that it's so green.

I am so thankful. SO thankful... to my Father for everything. I expected a storm, but received a rain of grace in my life. Sometimes it's the gentleness and quietness of God that transforms us most powerfully. And yes I did struggle after moving here, and more so after spending two weeks in the Czech Republic in summer. But sometimes you have to re-break to heal right.

Sometimes the great thing that heals us is doing a small thing again and again. I am trying my best to learn to satisfy my hunger by His Word, long walks, and finding joys in the daily challenges life brings.

It's not easy being green - by Nancy Thomas
...So yes, being green has its advantages. You now have the richness of being able to look at life through a much wider window. You've experienced more points-of-view, colours, flavors, accents, and rhythms than you ever would have just staying in your blue world.
We green people also have the ability to identify with a certain reality. Scripture teaches that our real situation in this world, as children of the kingdom, is as pilgrims and sojourners. "Aliens," Peter calls us. Apparently we're not supposed to get too attached. Green people find comfort in this - and they can certainly identify with it.
The longing for belonging won't go away, because God put it there - but it will be realized someday. It's not a cruel joke. Someday we will belong. We will find our home and discover it to be peopled by blues and yellows and greens and purples and browns - a rainbow glory gathered around the Father of Lights, the Creator of all this colour and diversity. He's the reason we go out into the coloured world today.
Meanwhile, just enjoy the journey - accepting the discomforts as well as the joys of this colourful process. Being green may not be easy. But it's good. 

I miss home, sometimes so much I could cry and it hurts to be. But I love my home now. And I think the important thing is to "Set your eyes on things above, not on earthly things." This world, this earth, these streets, this house, this room, this city, this country - any country, is not my home. My Home is with God. My Home is in my Father's stretched arms. My Home is my hiding place, in the wounds of my Savior. I will never be complete on this earth. In any city. In any house. In any room. Until I get to be HOME, where my Father makes me complete by His grace, His love. My Home is with Him, in Him. And I cannot wait!


"It's not the long walk home that will change this heart, it's the welcome I receive with every start." Mumford & Sons